As reported by Minnesota Public Radio, Governor Dayton has vetoed the Minnesota Joint Custody Bill. This is big news for family law practitioners around the state.
As I posted previously, the Minnesota legislature had approved the bill and submitted for Governor Dayton’s review. I had mixed feelings on the bill, but I think the governor made the correct decision.
The bill would have raised the presumed parenting time presumption in Minnesota for divorcing parents from 25% to 35%. My general opinion is that – in most situations – more time with both parents is in a child’s best interest. The best interest standard is always used in any child custody or parenting time decisions by Minnesota courts.
Custody bills are a perennial events at the capital. Why? My opinion is that politicians know that their constituency wants to see bills related to parenting time and custody. Much like taxes, abortion, and healthcare – parenting time and child custody are often hot-button issues.
Governor Dayton stated in his veto letter that he was “torn between persuasive arguments” from each side. Governor Dayton also said that he was influenced by professionals “who work every day with the most challenging divorces and their effects on the well-being, and even the safety, of parents and children.” My assumption is that he was talking about the family law section of the Minnesota bar – of which I am a member. The family law section opposed the increased presumption of parenting time.
As I stated, I have mixed opinions about the veto. I think more parenting is often the best thing for the children. I feel for the dads that can’t see their children as much as they would like to.
However, judges in Minnesota issue joint custody and parenting time orders on a regular basis. In my opinion, the courts does not need more legislation which creates things like “presumptions”. The court and the lawyers involved in the cases are mediating and trying to settle difficult issues. My opinion is that people on the ground level should be making decisions about parenting time and custody – not the legislature. Every case is different and should be treated as such.
For more information on Minnesota family law contact Joseph M. Flanders, an attorney in Apple Valley, MN.
I am but one father and a father with two young children. Obviously I cannot speak for all parents or for all children or for you as a family lawyer. I can only speak for my children and for myself. My former wife divorced me nearly three years ago. I was issued the divorce papers by a county deputy sheriff at my home. Part of the pile of papers he placed in my hands was an ex parte motion whereby my wife had alleged that I had rammed my head into her chest and pushed her into a doorway a year or so before. As well she alleged that I was emotionally disturbed and mentally deranged; that I was a neglectful father; that I was dysfunctional and in love with chaos; that I never loved her and that I was hyper-manipulative and a horrible father. The deputy told me when he arrived that I had two minutes to grab a tooth brush and a shirt and nothing else and never come back or call.
One year later I had spent every possible penny I could find throughout litigation to the tune of $120,000. I will die in debt. I ran out of money just before the trial and settled for 35% time with the kids and pay my former wife $900 a month. I cannot afford health insurance and for a 51 year old man that is not so good. My vehicle has 490,000 miles. I have two undergraduate degrees and a four years master’s degree in divinity.
My lawyers who helped me tried valiantly to mediate throughout the process. They acted in the most earnest and honorable way. They told me that they had never had so much powerful evidence on their side and had never seen such cruelty and persistence in family law as was inflicted by my former wife and her lawyer. My lawyers, the head of the law firm and my main lawyer, have 40 years of family law experience between them.
All my wife’s accusations proved false through her own meetings with her psychologist whose notes proved again and again the fact that she had lied. Specifically, she had told her counselor the truth about the alleged door way incident and he amazingly recorded it. As well psychological evaluations substantiated that I am not mentally deranged or emotional disturbed or unhealthy in my approach to parenting. In fact the evaluations, even the one done by her hired psychologist, showed her to be a person with deep anxiety problems, anger problems and manipulative. Neither psychologist bought any of her allegation but both laid it on her.
Financial records proved that I am not a financial disaster by any stretch of the imagination but that my wife’s secret accounts showed her excessive spending. A man came to me during litigation to confess an affair he had with my former wife prior to the divorce. Teachers, safe house workers, neighbors, god-parents of my kids, friends and even my former wife’s own sister in a deposition spoke powerfully of my parenting and my former wife’s anger issues and family history.
On several occasions the supervisor of the safe house called me to tell that she had never seen kids so passionately cling to a parent and that her workers often shared with her that they hated taking the kids away from me. She called me because she said that we had to figure out a way to get the kids away from me sooner because their mother was upset with how long it was taking – 10 minutes.
I was denied my day planner for several months during litigation by my former wife’s lawyer which proved that I was a stay at home dad who did all the laundry, meals, getting kids to school and picking them up and to activities and yard work yet still managed to earn 50 grand a year efficiently working from home.
Do you have any sense at all of what it is like to be a father who was lied about so much and to see his children only at a safe-house one hour a week under supervision for three months and to have his children cling to his body and beg him and beg him and beg him to not make them go back to their mother and to have staff members tear them away from his body knowing that the kids didn’t want to go back to their mother?
But far more importantly do you have any sense of what it is like for a five year old boy and a seven year girl who have been with their father virtually every day for 5 years who gave them security, affection, teaching, good food, playfulness, appropriate discipline and the true knowledge that they were and still are treasured by their father to abruptly lose their daddy with no explanation and to see him for one hour a week in a strange building with strange people taking notes and not having a voice in any of the litigation?
I have read one article after another about false accusations in family court and the fact that judges have to err on the side of caution which strategically puts the falsely accused in an almost impossible position financially and how does one prove a negative? Family court to me and my kids and for so many others is a monster which rewards people like my former wife and her lawyer. Sour grapes? Perhaps but the fact is because I could not afford court I could not get all the evidence before the judge and my voice and my children’s voice was not heard. Every article I read speaks of the fact that false accusers are virtually never convicted of perjury. Only in family court are you guilty until proven innocent. That is sick justice especially when it comes to children’s very lives.
And so it goes as I have to make my way through public life knowing that so many people in town think of me as a man who was physically violent to his wife. This is Minnesota family court. Legislators and judges who will never know me or my kids make decisions that profoundly and adversely effect me and my children.
You are a family lawyer and you make a living in family court. Perhaps you are like my lawyers, honorable and decent. I don’t know. Imagine someone falsely accusing you and you lose your vocation and capacity to find viable work because of those false accusations. Imagine that there really isn’t anything you can do about it but far worse imagine you lose your children over it and they lose you?
My dear man your article above sounds noble and to some degree measured but for me and my kids it is vacuous. Kids need fathers as much as mothers and the overwhelming research now coming into the consciousness of the public proving this is none too soon. Had their been a joint custody bill passed 10 years ago and if their were ramifications for people who make unsubstantiated or provably false accusations in family court with the desired plan to take kids away from the other parent perhaps my former wife most likely would have not worked so hard with her lawyer for a half a year before the papers were served to make her case against me as a father and man.
I have spoken with quite a number lawyers who once practiced family law but got out precisely because of how unfair and cruel family law is in the final analysis. They couldn’t take watching kids and parent’s relationship profoundly damaged by greed and anger and lack of accountability for those who make false accusations. Those same lawyers know well my former wife’s lawyer and speak in ways about her that I cannot write down.
Needless to say your thoughtful words above do not begin to heal my children’s hearts or wipe their tears or hold them close or hold my former wife accountable, Instead your words only affirm the status quo which is precisely what my former wife and her lawyer exploited. My wife did what she did precisely because I was and am a good father and was the primary care giver. She could never have gotten physical and legal custody without the domestic violence allegation. It began to give her “status quo” and by not mediating she built up status quo throughout litigation over a year’s time and sucked my financial resources dry. Her strategy was not lost on very many people.
Thank you for reading this,
Todd Hylden, a dad who would give his life for his children
Thank you for the deep analysis of this problem and for sharing your insight. This is exactly the kind of thing you should write to your local politician and/or legislator about. The law is made by the people for the people. Getting someone to listen to your viewpoint is not easy, but I encourage you to continue to make yourself heard.
And thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts. And thank you for the suggestion to contact my legislator. I will do that.
Have a great day,
Todd Hylden
my heart breaks for you and your children. I fell the pain. I am going throw the same thing, my x wife of nine months said I threw a phone at her and tones of other things all where lies. I found MY two charge card statements from a 0 balance to over thirty thousand. She was also having an afair, and now married to the man, and has more children, with others, she staged her own rape, lied on all court documents, lied to law inforcement, sued two of her past employers, got five men fired form their,job in one year because of her lies, and the list goes on. I had 50/50 legal and 50/50 physical custody, 50/50 parenting time, at the time of my divorce, now I have lost some because of school and the Judge did not want to hear the truth. All Fact. All I want is to call my daughter every other nigh, get back some of my lost parenting time, 30 days. LIKE YOU WOOD GIVE HIS LIFE FOR HIS CHILD. I am a good person, and have many higher up people will say so. Please if you can help,with advice, or anything. Thank you, Tom Casey 218-245-3886
I am so sorry for your experience which was brought to you from your former wife and a legal system bent on God knows what. I went through the exact same thing and spent $120,000 just to see my kids again for whom I had cared for 5 years. I was a stay at home dad. My lawyers told me they had never seen anything so cruel and out of control. They also told me that they had never had so much evidence, powerful evidence, against another client. Unfortunately I ran out of money before the trial and could not bring it to the attention of the judge. After 3 years my kids still suffer and ache to be with me more and cannot understand how it all could have happened. For all the ugliness and cruelty of family law and parents who fabricate a case against the father of their children one thing they can never take from us as dads is our love for our children. Never give up being a wonderful dad. More now then ever your kids need this from you! I wish you well.
I am very sorry to hear your story. Thank you very much for sharing and for commenting. I invite you to take up your concerns with the Minnesota legislature.
Thank you for caring, giving me help or advice, I’m new at all this. All I know is that Itasca county is not fair to Fathers and their children. And that I love my daughter and want more time with her, and it can be fair., after all I did have 50/50 everything. My former wife lied through out every court document,( and like I say 90% of it can be proven, why din’t the Judge listen? ( I can’t lie)!
I have been putting together a packet of very important papers to send off to Democratic party, Republican party, Governor Dayton, Al Franken, I have 10 packets to give or give out, any sugestions? Thank you, Tom Casey 8-27-13
Hello Tom,
I am so sorry to read of your heavy burden. Give me a call at 218-205-0545.
Take care,
Todd Hylden
I am also sorry to read this comment. As I tell my client: “be the change in the world you want to see”. If you don’t like something and you feel powerless, use the legislative system to your benefit. Take charge. Call your local representative and let them know what you think.